I was in my 40s, had a young family and a failed career behind me... so I retrained as a maths teacher. Yay, brilliant idea! Well, the global recession was scaring me and teaching seemed a safe career.
I've written here about why I chose teaching (egad, what foolishness). I chose a one-year full time PGCE (Post Graduate Certificate in Education). After this, I would spend one year as an NQT. This year used to be known as the Probationary Year. That was a much better title. Newly Qualified Teacher doesn't even make sense, as you're not fully qualified until you pass your NQT year.
During this year, you're observed regularly and the result is a termly grading of Outstanding, Good, Satisfactory or Inadequate. If you're Inadequate, you're "failing to meet the required standards." If you fail your third term, you're banned from teaching in a Welsh or English state school (I'm not sure about Scotland, but I do know they have a separate process to train teachers). There's no second chance. Your time is up.
I failed my first term. And then the second. I was advised to leave the school, and not take the risk of failing my third term and therefore failing to qualify - ever - as a teacher.
It was then helpfully arranged - due to some last-minute timing - so that my second term didn't count, and I'd only officially failed the first term.
I'm making this sound straightforward. It wasn't. There were tears, and manipulations, and finagling. I wasn't the only one. Three NQTs, in the same year, in the same school, were told they were failing and encouraged to leave. A fourth stuck it out and didn't leave. There may even have been others - I don't know. I might not have been quite as disastrous as they were making out. But I couldn't risk losing my whole career before it had even begun. So I left.
I haven't had a full time teaching job since then. I'm still looking for some way of completing my NQT year.
How did this happen? Part of the reason I write this anonymously is that I feel the stigma of failure. Whenever I tell my sorry tale I bless those dear souls who assume I must have been wronged. I gain hope from all the people who know me, who refuse to believe it could be any other way, and who say that obviously I must be capable of being a good teacher, because that's just the type of person I am. Luckily these people include my PGCE tutors and some fellow PGCE students and colleagues, who have actually seen me teach. But as for the rest of them, how are they to know?
I don't like telling people, because I know if I was them I would secretly be thinking, oh dear. Maybe she's one of those poor sods who doesn't have it in her to be a teacher. Maybe the kids take her for a ride, her fellow colleagues shake her heads and those that judged her Inadequate are actually doing her a favour, if only she would listen.
As for the truth... I'm not sure. I haven't given up yet, but I frequently believe I'm a hopeless case. At the moment, my most charitable interpetation goes like this:
I was old and tired, had young children and other stresses at home which meant that I found it hard to commit the energy and time required. Coping strategies which worked well in other circumstances were counter-productive in the classroom. The school was a tough inner-city school with a young, dynamic workforce. I didn't fit in, and struggled to work with some uncooperative children who had difficult personal circumstances. And there were some key people - or at least one - who were either unsupportive or had methods of working with NQTs that had a catastrophic effect on me.
Becoming a good teacher takes time, and I still believe (sometimes) that with time and patience I can do just that. But I wasn't given it. I was labelled a failure very early on, and then encouraged to leave altogether. I'm now in a weird limbo, waiting for another chance and struggling with feelings of fear and inadequacy.
I'll try and describe my story from the beginning, but mix that up with the present-day stuff, too. Maybe you're here because you're thinking about doing this yourself, or because you're glad that you're not, or because you sympathise, or are frustrated ("For heaven's sake, if she would only...").
Perhaps you're here to hold my hand. That's nice, I like that. Feel free.
3 comments:
The NQT process is corrupt and broken. It is often used by cynical schools to manage their human resource desires rather than support new entrants into the profession. There is no equality: one person may have a lovely supportive school for their induction year, another may have an awful school. Because there is no transparency in the system if the school doesn't like you there's nothing you can do, the local authority has to side with the school or risk invalidating the whole process nationally.
Having successfully completed my GTTP, I too failed during my NQT induction year, having various tears and trauma along the way. I loved teaching and was rated 'good with outstanding' by oftsed on more than one occasion. I did struggle to balance life being a single parent at the time (and with no involvement from dad), however, wanted to provide the best for my child so put everything I could into doing my teaching. I ended up taking time off teaching due to depression as I felt frustrated and unsupported within the school. I felt guilty for taking the time off as I felt I was letting the students down as well as myself. My HOD would request that I sent work in, until my union advised that she shouldn't be contacting me. When I needed support in specific areas, other tasks were thrown my way and I was asked to write schemes of work from scratch, to later find my HOD already them pre-written. I was asked to teach Integrated Studies for more than 8hrs of the week (English, Geography, History, RE, PSHCE, IT and Literacy all in one) and attend meetings with these departments during my free periods. Planning, delivering and marking subjects that I wasn't trained in, I totally lost my confidence. I ended up failing my NQT after having extensions but felt totally let down by the system. After periods of depression, I had requested a return part-time but was refused and had discussed the options of leaving before I officially failed (this was due to being unable to keep on top of my marking and unable to show progress - which was extremely difficult when they kept changing my groups and timetable!). However, I was literally told one day that my extension period had ended and that was it (no warning of when the deadline was approaching). I was so ill & depressed at the time that I couldn't bring myself to appeal (I didn't have the strength or energy as I was totally drained). Instead, I left teaching and took a part time job in admin to try and 'gather myself' and spend time with my son.
I had 5 years out of Education and worked my way up from Admin to Business Manager and a shareholder of an Engineering company. I am now married, and my son is of an age when he doesn't need as much interaction. Life really has changed!
However, missing the feeling I used to get when teaching, I explored other avenues within Education. I am now a Learning Manager in a UTC which I absolutely love. The school are so impressed that they want me to become the SENCo, however... I failed my NQT! So, as I'm not a qualified teacher I am STILL facing the embarrassment and frustration from all them years ago. To fail is one thing, but to NEVER have the chance to redeem yourself is another. I know I would have made an excellent teacher given time, and the right support, and would relish the opportunity to show them I can do it! But sadly the process is surrounded in brick walls! Frustrated, disappointed and forever battling against it. I won't give up, I am passionate about what I do and always strive for the best. I work for a great school and they are extremely supportive despite my embarrassment. Just think the system needs some revision to give people another chance.
I am a teacher of some 20 years. It's not you as a teacher - please believe that. The school failed to support you probably due to politics etc. Please do not be disheartened. You need a job at a good school who want you to pass and who want to support you. Keep looking - you will find it eventually.
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