Humiliated is what I am. I've passed the forty mark, I'm supposed to be a grownup. By now I should know what I'm doing, should be capable, should be assured and accomplished and the kind of person you could look up to. For a while there in my 30s, I sort of thought I was.
Yet here I am, in a profession full of young people breezing through and looking confused when I try and describe the reasons I find this difficult. Being judged by people so much younger than me as "Inadequate", being told that I am in danger of being a "drain on resources", that I am "failing the kids and the school" and that I'd be better off contemplating some other career.
Humiliating. Embarrassing. Soul-destroying.
And suddenly all those skills and attributes I thought I had... gone.
2 comments:
Shame is something that other people put on you. The more you can see it as such, the less you will be stuck with it.
It's also hard to be your best when you're being judged and made to feel this way. Can become self-fulfilling prophesy. Be kind to yourself x
I wish I had the gift to write words which would make you feel better. But I don't. All I can do is send (((hugs))). Maybe it is teaching in a different setting that will work for you and the students, or maybe teaching is not meant for you. Even if you are fortyish you still have another 20 odd years to persue any career which you wish! Keep safe, Angela, Australia
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